Listen Up

Is anyone else struggling with life right know? I know I am. Money. The job. Relationships. All seem to be on one mission and that is kick me square in the ass. Of course like with anything in life you need to learn to take responsibility for what you did to cause these problems. They don’t just spontaneously manifest themselves. Two things I’m sure of. If you analyze each situation objectively you will realize where you went wrong and hopefully how to remedy the situation. Secondly, we’re not that different you and me. We all have similar problems. Class, race and age really doesn’t make a difference. The difference is how we deal with these problems?

Every aspect of you life starts with communication. Clear and honest communication. Not just with others, but also with yourself. Being honest and hard on yourself is a big step. Can I really afford that? I really need to stop being late for work. Am I being selfish? How do my actions affect everyone in my life? You have to take inventory to better understand what areas you can improve on. Self communication can also include talking to others or counseling. What others see can clear your vision if you are willing to accept their point of view in order to improve.

Next is communication with everyone else. Most importantly the stakeholders in your life. The people who directly benefit from or depend on your well being. Your spouse or partner. Your kids. People you conduct business with or work for. The right type of communication with these people can make a big difference on how you feel and how you traverse your daily life. First of all it’s a two way street. You have to be willing to state your needs and be willing to listen to their needs. You need to communicate without expense of detail what exactly you want and expect of these people. They need to be able to do the same towards you. There can be disagreements but there must also be compromise. There must also be a forum for grievance established. Where when someone feels they were wronged or disrespected they can bring it up in open and respectful discourse. What you can’t have a system where no one speaks up in order to spare feelings and then blow up when they’ve endured to much. We need to be able to communicate when ever it is necesary. We also have to learn to communicate the good as well. Regular appreciation and compliments are good for a healthy relationship. No one only wants to know when they screwed up. They need to know that you know that they are improving and moving in the right direction.

How about new people or the people not in your life. You can set those communications boundaries as needed. First of all is introducing yourself and speaking to everyone you encounter in a respectful tone and manner. This establishes the kind of person you are. Never ignore anyone because you think they don’t matter. You don’t know if this person could change your life one day. Then after you have regular interaction with a person you have time to develop an idea of who they are. Most importantly if they say or do some thing that directly affects you negatively. Address it immediately, not in front of everyone, but one on one. Say why you did not appreciate what they did and in the future it is something they could address with you personally. This will set boundaries. Plus maybe they didn’t intend to offend, but now they know how to move forward. Don’t let people walk over you because they tend to make it a habit unless you address it when it first happens. It’s that simple.

Basically you are gathering information on how to better deal with the people that matter and how to operate on a daily basis. Nothing is as simple as it seems. Just cause someone loves you doesn’t mean they necessarily like you especially when they think that you aren’t respecticting their wishes. Of course you have to know what those wishes are before you can take them into account. It equates to being seen. You can be invisible in a relationship. You can do all the right things and never be acknowledged only when you make a mistake. That’s not healthy either. Take control of the relationships in your life and things will seem a lot less stressful. It sucks to think that no one likes or appreciates you everywhere you go. You have to make your place in every situation. It all starts with open and honest communication.

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